TEST II ENDS HERE

BECOMING ONE, FINANCIALLY
Learning to listen to and respect your mate’s money perspective is one way to invest in a valuable commodity—your marriage.
Without self-criticism or self-justification, identify your own relationship with money:
What does money mean to you?
Does it make you feel powerful?
Does it make you feel anxious, guilty, loved, responsible or secure?
What assumptions and values about money did you develop while you were growing up?

BECOMING ONE, FINANCIALLY (2)
Avoid labeling your spouse’s attitudes as right or wrong.
Try to understand one another’s money history. Listen for hurts, fears, wishes and hopes.
Try to empathize rather than criticize.
Remember, respect breeds trust.
BECOMING ONE, FINANCIALLY (3)
Learn from each other.
Temporarily suspend your own beliefs and see what your spouse has to teach you.
A saver can learn a new kind of security when stretched by a spouse who exchanges money for present enjoyment or who finds satisfaction in giving.
BECOMING ONE, FINANCIALLY (4)

Together, list your priorities:
What is valuable to you?
Identify the top priorities you share and what this means to your budget.
Get sound advice. Some conflicts over money come from simply not being aware of your options.



FINANCIAL INTEGRITY
When your financial life is all messed up, every area of life is affected. Even your basic value system is vulnerable and open to attack.
There are few areas that challenge your integrity as much as financial pressure. That is why such phrases as the following have come into being:
“The check’s in the mail.”
“There must be some mistake; I paid my account in full just last week.”
“My check bounced? Oh, the bank screwed up my account. Just redeposit it.”
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (2)
You must develop an attitude of honesty and integrity.
Make a pact between God and yourself that you are going to approach your finances with complete and brutal honesty.
If you are already in financial trouble, let creditors, with whom you’ve been less than honest in the past, know that you are embarking on a recovery plan.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (3)
STOP DEBTING:
Debting has come to mean the act of owing money to another.
To debt is the action of incurring a debt.
Debting sounds wrong and it is wrong without the funds with which to pay the money that is owed.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (4)
Debting can involve a personal loan from a parent or child
Debting can be unpaid rent or an installment purchase that does not involve collateral
Consumer credit is plentiful, available in just about every retail store in the country
It has become the norm to spend what we do not have
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (5)
Every where we turn we are encouraged to buy what we want now, regardless of whether or not we have enough in cash or savings to pay for it.
We are constantly encouraged to “buy now and pay later.”
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (6)
Compulsive debting is more than just an occasional meal charged on a bank card.
It is the repeated use of credit, first by choice and later by necessity.
In time, a big chunk of discretionary income is required to pay the minimum payments.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (7)
Our aversion to accountability financially is our worst enemy.
How much do you spend on food each month?
What was the total amount you spent last month to service your debts?
What percentage of the amount spent to service debts actually go toward debt reduction?
How much did you spend on coffee and fast food last week?
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (8)
You cannot overestimate the value and importance of recording your spending.

KNOWING THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!!!
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (9)
HONESTLY RECORD EVERYTHING THAT YOU SPEND IN ONE DAY AND THAT MEANS EVERYTHING.
From your daily spending records, form a weekly expense record and then use those weekly records to honestly see what a total month’s expenditures are.
From these you can start to honestly address spending habits and see areas where money can be saved or better used. You can also develop a budget from these records.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (10)
Starbucks $3.50
Coke and candy 2.50
Deli 4.50
Gas 20.00
Pizza (your share) 5.00
Java Stop 3.50
Total 39.00

FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (11)
In seven days the daily spending record is developed into a weekly record and from there a monthly record is developed.
When the spending is compared to the income, a monthly budget can be made and it is clear where money is “slipping through the cracks.”
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (12)
Never having enough money to pay all of the bills, postdating a check or two, writing checks in hopes they won’t clear until your next paycheck is deposited, committing next week’s paycheck for this week’s expenses, wondering how you would pay your bills if you lost your job tomorrow—all of these things keep you living on the edge.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (13)

You don’t have to live month after month feeling that if you come one inch closer, you will fall and be swallowed up by the jaws of financial ruin.
FINANCIAL INTEGRITY (14)
Be a person of financial integrity and character.
Be honest
Plan ahead
Don’t spend money that you don’t have
Give to God
Pay your bills
Save $$$

FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS
There are two things people argue about in a marriage: money and sex. And people argue a lot more about money than sex.
Finance can represent one of the biggest stumbling blocks in a marriage relationship.
It’s important that couples get a sense of each other’s spending styles and how they were raised to spend money before they get married.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (2)
Gather all of your financial records, including tax returns, bank statements and investment receipts and get ready to reveal it all.
You need to discuss not just your debts and assets, but your financial goals and priorities.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (3)
Do you prefer fancy dinners over regular weekends away?
Does he consider new clothes frivolous, but he thinks a loaded sports car every two years is OK?
Were you hoping for your own home right away while he is thinking that a 2-room apartment is where you begin?
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (4)
Debt surprises are not healthy for a new marriage.
If serious credit problems exist, special security deposits may be required or the spouse with the good credit may need to keep his or her credit cards separate until the problems have been corrected.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (5)
One of the most common mistakes that newlyweds make is accumulating too much debt in the first year of marriage.
The temptations of throwing an elaborate wedding or taking an exotic honeymoon put many couples in the “red” before they can actually cross the threshold.

Amid the euphoria of building a new life together, splurging tends to run rampant, as the costs of new furniture, romantic dinners and weekends add up.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (6)

New couples have to fight immediate gratification or their debt will exceed their abilities to pay and this will affect their marriage.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (7)
Instead of charging excessively on high-rate credit cards, couples should sit down and discuss what perks are reasonable.
They also should begin a long-term savings plan.
They should, early in the marriage, commit to a retirement plan.
They should understand the power of compounding and how their savings relate to their goals of buying a house or a new car.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (8)
One bank account or two?
Whether or not you combine your checking accounts, or any other assets, is primarily a matter of personal preference.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (9)
If both parties are going to be regularly withdrawing money from the account, it may be difficult to keep track of the balance, making bounced checks and associated fees more likely.
You must check in with each other regularly about spending or you may want to put one person in charge of the bills who also doles out a cash “allowance” to the other.
In many marriages one spouse naturally assumes that role, simply because he or she is better at numbers or is more frugal.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (10)
Couples must work together in making a budget and reconciling the budget to their spending each month.
If you opt for multiple accounts, you should make clear how much each of you will contribute each month to the joint account.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (11)
Combining Assets
Any time you combine assets, those assets become part of the marital income and may be interpreted as a “gift to the marriage” in the event of a divorce.
At minimum, you will want to ensure that your long-term investments do not overlap significantly and that your combined retirement funds are properly diversified.
Aside from your assets, you will want to evaluate each other’s employee benefits and decide which ones best match your joint needs.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (12)

If you both work for large corporations, it may be cheaper for each of you to maintain your current individual health benefits as employee plan rates are almost always cheaper than dependent rates.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (13)
Most newly married couples do not think that either of them will ever die.
Planning for life after the death of a loved one is one of the most important steps newlyweds should take.
The cost of a funeral as well as other legal and personal expenses that arise can be quite high.
The cost of making up for a lost salary can be even higher if you are forced to maintain a jointly established lifestyle alone.
FINANCIAL PLANS FOR NEWLYWEDS (14)
Spouses need to be named as the primary beneficiary on all bank accounts, insurance policies and investment funds.
Life insurance should be another consideration. Life insurance will help the surviving spouse continue mortgage payments, etc.
No matter the financial situation, a simple will can prevent legal complications.
A power of attorney and a health care directive can also make life easier for a surviving spouse.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED
The happiness and romance attached to the wedding and honeymoon do not last forever.
Reality comes quickly into the lives of the newly married.
Partners discover that living together on a permanent basis can cause problems.
“Ups” and “Downs” will begin to punctuate the relationship.
Most newly marrieds forget that the people who have lived together for a long time have forged solutions and adaptations to many of their problems.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (2)
Many couples have an idealistic image attached to the early phases of marriage.
Romantic bliss and being perfectly attuned to each other doesn’t happen immediately.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (3)

Most young couples really believe in “marital myths” which in reality are un-true, deceptive and, unfortunately, very destructive.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (4)

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (5)

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (6)

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (7)

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (8)
Rather than continuing the search for an idealistic and unattainable relationship, couples learn that they must focus, instead, on the many adjustments that characterize day-to-day married life.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (9)
No single type of personality causes a failure in marriage; instead, two individual personalities, through interaction with one another can fail or succeed in marriage.
As a consequence, the successful marriage relies on the desire of the husband and wife to make their relationship work.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (10)

Many couples find that marriage brings new levels of commitment and a need to redefine expectations for one another.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (11)
Couples may need to honestly examine and “fine-tune” their mutual expectations.
Unfulfilled expectations lead to disenchantment, disappointment, and unhappiness.
Couples also have to define who is performing what roles and tasks within a relationship.
These roles are clearly identified, and in the best interest of the relationship, mutually agreed upon.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (12)


More and more American marriages are moving toward an egalitarian relationship; however, the majority of the role-sharing in marriage is based on the traditional sex-typed expectations.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (13)
The typical family roles in marriage are:
The breadwinner role (who earns the income)
The domestic role (who is responsible for performing housekeeping chores)
The handyman role (who does that yard work, repairs in/on the house, and handles car maintenance)
The kinship role (who writes the letters, buys the gifts and stays in touch with family)
The childcare role (who does the childcare, rears and disciplines the children)
The major/minor decision-maker role (who makes the major decisions)

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (14)
In an egalitarian marriage the different roles would be shared equally.
The equal sharing of the roles becomes especially important in dual-earning families.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (15)
Well-educated husbands and wives earn more when they work, and they are also more likely to work.
Seventy percent of couples with two college graduates have two working spouses (2005).
Educational attainment increases the probability of the couple’s decisions likely being made together.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED (16)
Research shows that wives who did not have a college degree were more likely to say that their husbands decide on what car to buy and whether the couple will even make “big-ticket” purchases.
College-degreed women usually report that big-ticket purchases are made by mutual agreement.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF NEWLY MARRIED COUPLES (17)
In marriages where neither couple has a college degree or in marriages where the husband is more educated, the men tend to pay the bills and manage the money.
Wives with college degrees report that the money management and planning is shared equally.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II
There are many challenges faced in the dual-earner marriage:
The household division of labor poses a problem. Most of the traditional sex-roles attached to household chores are still assigned to the female even if both partners are full-time earners.
The problem comes that in addition to the vocational demands, working women still carry the brunt of household chores.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (2)
The high level of time in household and paid work by women has negative consequences for the marital relationship.
Low participation by the husband typically leads the wife to be dissatisfied with the division of labor and dissatisfaction with the relationship.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (3)
Another problem associated with dual-earner marriages is the pressure and competition it often creates.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (4)
A lot of pressure in a dual-earner marriage stems from the husband’s psychological identity with his work.
Some men feel threatened because traditional sex-typed boundaries have been crossed.
These problems are magnified when wives are earning close to or even more than their partners.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (5)
Men have traditionally been socialized to view money translated as power.
Men, as a social group, have been unaccustomed to “yielding” power to women.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (6)
Even with the changes in current culture, many men are not accustomed to women having prestigious jobs.
Many husbands take pleasure in their wives’ successes but only as long as it does not challenge their own.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (7)

Immense conflict occurs unless the husband learns how to accept his wife’s achievement without feeling threatened.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (8)

Many couples have worked through these “competition” issues by the following:
Telling each other what happened in the work day
Really listening and caring about what has happened to each other on the job
Sharing in the “asking” and the “telling”


THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (9)
Other questions that a couple can ask, honestly answer and work on are:
Do you refuse to share your concerns about your job because you think your spouse wouldn’t understand?

Are you too embarrassed to tell your spouse that your boss reprimanded you?
Do you tell your spouse that you are terrified about making a presentation?
Do you try to put yourself in your spouse’s place and understand that what you think is “no problem” might be a big problem for him/her?

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (10)
Do you admire your spouse’s strengths in his/her job and do you tell him/her?
Do you feel you are entitled to a greater say in family economic decisions and in household management because you are earning more money than your spouse?

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (11)
The degree to which couples share vulnerabilities and strengths as well as empathy and the willingness to care about one another’s welfare are indicators of healthy and satisfactory modes of adjustment.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (12)
Money is a powerful influence on human behavior and it creates its share of pressure on the marital structure.
For many, money is closely related to status and to self-esteem.
Many times couples who are disappointed with the amount of money they have often find their relationships less satisfying.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (13)
Couples must be able to deal realistically and competently with money matters.
They must learn how to manage both love and finances through mutual planning and open communication.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (14)
All couples have to:
Establish a financial plan
Keep informed about finances
Be realistic about finances
Communicate on a regular basis about finances

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (15)
The impact of sex on the marital relationship is varied.
Couples who enjoy a stable and harmonious relationship are more apt to also share a satisfactory sexual relationship.
Important features in this adjustment are: an open and honest communication, concern for the partner, shared emotional intimacy and freedom from hostilities (such as a struggle for dominance).

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (16)
There are many misconceptions that the newly marrieds have about their sexual relationships:
Sex in marriage comes easy
Sexual frequency is a prime indicator of sexual compatibility and marital happiness
Poor sex leads to unhappy marriages
Sex in marriage creates intimacy
Happily married couples do not have sex problems
Marital sex is always exciting

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (17)

When newlyweds fall into the typical misconceptions about marital sex, they set themselves up for failure and disappointment.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (18)
One major adjustment that each newly married person must come to terms with is the addition of each other’s families into the emotional mix.
What does she do about her mother-in-law and what does he do about his father-in-law?

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (19)
Many destructive myths exist about the perception of the relationships with the future in-laws:
After marriage, my relationship with his/her parents will be the same as when we were dating.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (20)

Once we get married, my wife/husband and I will be free of our parents’ control.
Even though I don’t like my in-laws now, I’ll feel more like loving them after the marriage.
I won’t have to deal with my in-laws much after the wedding.
My in-laws will be totally annoying, intrusive people who will attempt to ruin my marriage.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (21)
There are some important things to remember about in-laws:
Parents still need concern and attention.
Parents may fear rejection by the new son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

THE LEARNING TASKS OF THE NEWLY MARRIED II (22)
Sometimes the newly married will direct their anger over what a spouse has done or not done towards his/her family.
Confront your own problems with honesty and open communication.